I have witnessed the rise and fall of popped collars on dress shirts, pants (crisscrossed) worn backwards, giant belt buckles displayed as billboards, sneakers without their laces, sunglasses covering eyes in the darkest of places, but ultimately none of these failed attempts of fashion expression befuddle me more than skinny jeans.

            Denim Jeans were made for the working class. Denim held up well against grueling duties that would normally tear other materials. Over time, Denim Jeans became a symbol of what is casual. To this day, most Denim Jeans echo this casual nature by uplifting the wearer to be one who is confident, hardworking and normal. Like most modern trends, something normal and practical is turned upside down by the inane of our society. Behold, inanity and fatuity have bestowed on our world, skinny jeans.

            The crux of this article doesn’t implicate Western singers and their affiliation with wrangler jeans, this article doesn’t compromise the integrity of what made 80’s rockers feminine, this article doesn’t connect Elvis Presley and his fascination of drainpipe jeans to my motif, but rather chide the aversion of a style of pants which has distorted the male and female youth of our society. Seriously, what type of person struggles to put on an article of clothing, resembling an article of clothing five sizes too small, resembling an article of clothing six inches too short, made of denim one of the most non-elastic of all clothing materials for the greater good of a fashion statement?  As I watch people who plague our streets with this fashion abhorrence, I cannot help to notice their inability to perform simple tasks; like walking and sitting properly. Accompanied with a rhinestone or cloth belt, dark socks marrying up to the bottom of the pant leg and some sort of hip canvas shoe, it is agonizing watching the wearer stride down the sidewalk pretending to be comfortable when every inch of what the denim covers screams help all the way down to the very nerves it is destroying with its constriction.

            To take this unredeemable fashion taste to another level, skinny jeans accompanied with the ghetto sag truly suggest the apocalypse is close at hand. I have witnessed multiple times the sight of kids wearing skinny jeans and sagging them below their waist. This is not an easy task because every step requires the use of one of the individual’s hands to hold up the skinny jeans so they don’t bunch up at the thigh, where the jeans are skin tight. It truly looks like these individuals are wearing an eight year olds pair of pants, but I guess there is no one at home to tell these rebels they look ridiculous.

            I am all for expressing one’s self through fashion, but what I am not all for is looking like a circus act walking down the street. If you are seeking individuality and you find it in a pair of pants, make sure the pants fit. There is no need to forfeit the ability to walk like a human in your quest for being accepted by a sub-culture. Sure, you may love some of the punk bands that have given spotlight to this style of jeans, but there is a reason they are in music and not in fashion. They get paid to look like asshats when they perform; you don’t get paid to look like an asshat walking down the street. Since I have yet to observe a twenty-five year old wearing an eight year olds pants performing hit singles walking down the street, I suggest you put those pants to a better use and donate them to the nearest fifth grade clothing drive and become perspicacious again about fashion while saving your nerves from permanent damage.