It is really easy to fall for the wrong person these days.  People market themselves as if they are spawns of perfection.  Eventually, the perfection turns into normality and normality turns into mediocrity and mediocrity turns into inferiority and inferiority turns into just down right crazy.  Don’t get me wrong, having a little bit of crazy in a relationship is a good thing: producing passion and excitement when needed.  But having a whole lot of crazy is something we should all try to avoid.  Stalkers, pathological liars, people who are controlling, people who are jealous, people who have weird fetishes, people who have detachment issues, people who have emotional instability, and people who have (insert social disorder here) will all try their best to hide their vices and present society with a temporary, normal version of themselves. It is that temporary, normal version that people fall for and are sometimes trapped in long, unhealthy relationships. Luckily, you don’t have to waste weeks and months and years determining whether the person you are with is bad for you or even if they are certifiably insane. All you have to do is watch, listen, and acknowledge the following red flags:

Not treating people with respect: Your character can be defined as how you treat those who can do nothing for you.  The way someone treats a person in the service industry (bartender, hostess, wait staff, flight attendant, etc.) will be the way they will treat you or your friends in the future.

Not treating family members with respect: How a person treats, talks, and views their family members can be a sign of how they will treat, talk, and view you.

Does not take you around friends or family: If someone does not take you around their immediate friends and family after a reasonable amount of time, they are probably hiding something or someone (or is simply just using you).

Hides phone: If you find that the person you are pursuing consistently goes out of their way to avoid calls and texts from other people while around you, then there is a good chance someone else is in the picture.

Hides Technology: There are many ways to establish a line of communication with someone.  Everything from multiple cell phones, to computers, to multiple email and IRC accounts should raise concern of what or who the person is trying to conceal.

Perpetual Lying: The house of cards will always fall down, but it is good to leave the house before this happens. If you find that a person is consistently lying about different aspects of their life, it may be time to move on.

Consistently Unavailable: If a person is always unreachable on the same days during the same time, and it goes unexplained, then something isn’t right.

Invites themselves over without asking: Relationships need some privacy, especially in the beginning.  If a person starts to show up uninvited when you are out with friends or if they show up to your home or apartment uninvited, you should end it right away.

Never introduces you to friends of the opposite sex: Everyone has history, but what makes it history is when a person accepts the present and allows you to meet their past.  If they don’t let you meet their friends of the opposite sex, then chances are there is something going on with those friends.

Lingering Ex: If a person has a single ex who is constantly around, then there is a good chance that ex wants to get back with the person or they have a hidden relationship with each other.

Eyes close together: You can spot crazy by appearance.  You will find that people whose eyes are closely positioned together are most always crazy.

Close Talker: When someone gets in your personal space in a normal social scenario, they seem to not have a clear understanding of boundaries.  Further, they may not have respect for these boundaries and only care about their own without regard for anyone else.  Chances are there is something not right with them.

Takes Medicine to be normal: This speaks for itself. A person who relies on various chemicals to run their life establishes a lack of control over their own personality.  From caffeine pills first thing in the morning to alcohol “just to take the edge off,” a person who relies on these to stabilize life has no control.  I am not saying that people with chemical imbalances shouldn’t find love, but I am saying people with chemical imbalances shouldn’t find love.

Emotionally involved with popular culture: If a person is obsessed with pop culture icons, actors/actresses, or other figures in media, then they are probably socially inept or insane.  Kim Kardashian is important to you?  You need a life and to not procreate.

Consistently ignores phone calls and texts: If a person avoids communication with you while they are out with people you have never met, there is probably something inappropriate occurring.

Speaks only in movie quotes: If someone references every social interaction with a movie quote, they are probably a serial killer.

People who talk with their eyes closed:  If someone has their eyes shut while they are talking to you, they are probably imagining murdering you so it is a good thing to walk away before they reopen their eyes.

People who make fast jerking movements: They are possessed by a demon so they are probably not going to make for the healthiest person to be in a relationship with.

People who laugh for no reason: If something isn’t funny and someone laughs at it, there is probably something wrong with them.



  1. Lives at home
  2. Says he is an entrepreneur
  3. Does yoga or spin, by himself, in the back of the class.
  4. He is in his 40’s and has never been married
  5. Calls you “baby” when he first meets you
  6. Name Drops
  7. Knows all the female bartenders at every bar
  8. Talks about how big his penis is
  9. Bushy eyebrows
  10. Looking down when they talk
  11. Collects weapons (swords, guns, hatchets, ninja stars)
  12. Wears underwear smaller than yours
  13. Spends more time getting ready in the morning than you or any of your female friends
  14. Keeps pictures of his ex-girlfriend displayed in his house or as his Facebook profile picture
  15. BFF with mother



  1. Extreme Botox
  2. Extreme cats
  3. Bobs or shakes head when she talks
  4. Huge ass eyes
  5. BFF with mother
  6. Inappropriate planning for the future
  7. Doesn’t talk and stares upward
  8. Lots of Makeup
  9. Talks shit about every girl while around you
  10. 24/7 Duck face
  11. Collects stuffed animals or dolls as an adult
  12. She talks about fairies and angels as her friends
  13. Uses the word “like” every 5th word
  14. Has a bad relationship with her father
  15. Takes photos of herself


The identification of a red flag with someone you might be interested in, or with someone who is interested in you is vital for your dating happiness. If you choose to pursue a relationship with someone who possess one or more of the red flags listed above, you could be in for a “crazy” good time, but it is still wise to let a close friend or relative know your whereabouts at all times. You’ve been warned.