Chrisanomican Chapter 1 “The Keys to The Kingdom”

Chrisanomican: Introduction

            We live in bedlam. Not idly do cogitations of the past materialize due to modern events. I was raised to love God, love my family and love my country, virtues men from all ages possess. I have existed to admire something greater than myself, to adore people who have wanted a role in my life and to honor what is good. One thousand years late, I am struggling to make sense of the world around me. A world where both men and women deny their rolls, where our youth have hastened their maturity and our elders have no callow ears to listen.

 ” Long has the sleep cursed me. The slumber of time, draining and unforgiving, showing no mercy for each second that passes. No longer will I fall silent, lost in the grasp of what I chase. Exquisiteness both in mind and body is sought. An altered extension of our chronology dexterously devoted to intersections of fate. I have found what I so long for, but like a eye through beveled glass, what I see isn’t in my reach. Now with these first steps, back on course, pondering the reasons for my stagnant self. For those reasons, I will now pardon, behold, vivification.

 I was but a shadow of my former self these past years; goal-less, lifeless, depending on the unnamed. I retracted from my encasing, seeing myself as the world watches with me. Unlike the turning of a key, my routine will transmogrify, separating from popular sagacity and emerge as a titan of new. Every day I wake, I will heed that which produces hauteur, convincing myself, no matter the task, no matter the obligation, triumphant I shall be.

 Blessed I, says my heart. Recalling all  memories of the people throughout my life, I only fathom who I would be, without. Like the waterfall pouring forever in its base, endless is their contributions to whom I have matured. I am afraid my path’s insistence will be in solitude. Suffering from a heart that truly embraces its companions, it will  endure. This covenant  accrues in age, sewed from effete time, self-indulging from a self-sorrow, reconstructed by virtues of light.

 Time will depute me, to welcome me back to the world I once loved and now miss. To this I offer my soul, and for the clock ticking, ticking, ticking, I endow continuing magnanimity as repentance. None shall waver this; none shall make novelty of what is epic by nature. The way is closed for you, the way is sealed…. The way is closed for you, this way is sealed……. This way is closed for you, this way is sealed. I awake de la nouvelle vie, this time without fault. I bid the all exhortation, to live life, still there in this world; good does not slumber, this you must trust as I. “

            I am a simple man. I require only truth in my relationships and in return I will give everything. I am a hopeful romantic. I hope that there is one woman left on this planet with queenly blood, a lionesses strength, an angel’s beauty and a matron’s heart. For that, I would give everything.       

            Unfortunately there is no tower to climb, no princess to rescue, no maiden to court, no slipper to procure and no kiss to bring life which would identify what the fairytales and stories have defined. Instead, I sort through hundreds of other characteristics which modern society has deemed popular and normal, which veil the preferable attributes I search for in a relationship.

            I have spent many years of my life loving women I was wrong about. Words and promises flowed from their mouth as if their soul had a gun pointed at it. I point no guns, nor do I ask for anything but the truth in a relationship. I find it appalling that women of this day do not maintain the strength their lineage implies. Finding a job, making money, living independent does not make a woman strong.  And if you think this… history does not agree with you. The modern man is just as guilty. Individuality, moral strength and honor have lost to social status, image, and money. Where has love gone? It’s been defined for centuries but now we have undefined it; transferring importance to security, caste, compatibility, materials and renown. It is not a parable told of men going off to war for years and women waiting their existence for them to return, this was once a reality. A duty, that in this day, no eyes have comforted.

            Tribulation has led to knowledge. I know exactly what I want in a acquaintance, what I want in a friend, what I want in a best friend and what I want in a wife. I bear knowledge of this for two reasons; I know what I don’t want in a relationship and I hope and dream for the things I do want. As I stated before, if I am given truth, I give back everything. You would think this to be a simple formula for any relationship, but for some reason people hide the truth from themselves or from the people around them. Should a competent lady grace me with her presence, I have created a guide to help her scale the various walls I have put in place to filter out the unworthy. It is a simple guide; be truthful and you can see your chances of success with me in a relationship, you can see what walls can be torn down and you can compare yourself to others who use the guide.

Chrisanomican: Enchiridion


Almost every normal person I know has a set of standards, boundaries, qualifications or requirements for the opposite sex. These credentials make up what we call attraction. There are different levels that we set for attraction, which determines the level of relationship we could have with certain individuals of the opposite sex. This setting of attraction level is inherently progressive or quantitative relative to the people we have encountered in our life, whether the comparison stems from friends, family, intimacy or fantasy.  

I consider myself a very simple person. I am scared of limitlessness, especially relationships, for the simple fact of  appreciating a moment. As sappy as literature has made love, I still hope that we all share in the perfection in which those stories have modified. Instead of indulging months of time figuring out people from the opposite sex, I have comprised a series of criterion to ultimately shuffle out individuals who it can never be.

The Measure:

  1.  First and foremost, you have to be plus or minus 7 years from my current age. If you fall into this category, then you get +30.
  2. I have no preference whether you are tall or short, but if you are taller than me or shorter than 5’0”, then you get -10
  3. If you are an Athlete or former Athlete you get +20
  4. If you were a waitress/bartender/hostess you get +10
  5. Blonde, brunette or redhead? Blondes and redheads get +20 and Brunettes get +30
  6. Short hair or long hair? Long hair gets +30
  7. If you have a thirst for knowledge or an eagerness to learn you get +20
  8. If you do a seductive dance like belly-dancing you get + 30
  9. Face, Ass or Tits? I am a 2/3 guy. As long as you have 2/3 you have +20
  10. If you are active, working out or exercising in any way you will receive +20
  11. If you smoke, then you receive -50.
  12. If you are divorced -50
  13. If you don’t have children you get +10
  14. If you like children you get + 20
  15. If you don’t have any tattoos you get +20
  16. If you are a virgin you get +30
  17. If you been with 5 people or less you get +20
  18. If you always smile then you receive +20
  19. If you are an extrovert, you receive +10
  20. If you like to go to the movies you get +20.
  21. If Lord of the Rings, 300, Gladiator, Troy, Willow, or Iron Man rock to you, +20
  22. If your values are conservative you receive +20
  23. If you believe in love you get +20
  24. If you are not afraid to stand up for what you believe in a public place, you get +20
  25. If you order a hamburger before a salad you get +20
  26. If you like chocolate you get +20
  27. If you like riding motorcycles you get +20
  28. Spontaneous +20
  29. Consistent +10
  30. If you take 15-20 minutes to get ready you get +20
  31. If you drink you get +20
  32. If you wear thongs or nothing, you get +20
  33. If you are not afraid to show love in public you get +20
  34. If you have a college degree from a top 30 school, you get +40
  35. If you can sing, dance, draw or do anything that involves creativity you get +40
  36. If you are Christian you get +20
  37. If you are Catholic you get an extra +20
  38. If you hardly wear any makeup, you get +20
  39. If you are happy when it is a nice day + 10
  40. If you have starred up at the sky, whether night or day, in the past week, you get +20
  41. If you believe there is more to life then getting married and having kids you get +40
  42. If you have green eyes you get +20
  43. If you believe there are things in life we cannot explain with science, you get +10
  44. If you are independent and need alone time you get +10
  45. If you watch the news and wonder what the fuck is wrong with the world you get + 20
  46. If you believe in loyalty and obligation you get +20
  47. If you play video games you get +20
  48. If you like family guy you get +20
  49. If you speak more than one language you get +20
  50. If you have never done an illegal drug before, you get +20

                   No, I don’t look at everything perfunctory. When you see the points awarded for each category, you see a level of importance of what makes me attracted to someone. This is probably a tenth of what I actually gauge in a relationship, but in reference to settling, a girl must max out her points on this assessment in order for my guilt of uncertainty to be overcome. What that max level of toleration is, I cannot tell.

      I am looking for the best, not better. I have better all the time and it doesn’t quite do it. I am not looking for perfection, just someone perfect for me. I want someone who knows what they want just as much as me; zero doubt. Hopefully the influence of modern times doesn’t destroy the ancient love which I still seek; something that is loyal, instant, everlasting, forgiving, thoughtful, spontaneous and exciting.

Chrisanomican: Ramparts


            Like anything precious and valuable, protection protocols are put in place to ward off people seeking that which is not theirs. I consider myself very valuable so to protect my being, women must scale various walls to get to the truth. The walls are put up and taken down depending on the type of women around me. If women are not looking to acquire that which is hidden behind the walls then at no point will any truth be revealed. However, if  a woman does seek that which is protected, a series of checks will be conducted in order for each wall to be torn down.

            Most people with any type of morals or personality do all this subconsciously. Whether you agree with my strategy or not, people open up when presented with someone worth opening up to.  For all the people who weren’t worth opening up to, a internal debate went on in your head to justify why these people should be withheld from your truth. When I meet someone, I can assume many truths about them that will forge a debate in my head which will ultimately decide the latter. I can discern whether a woman’s defense mechanism is to be shallow and superficial or whether she is actually shallow and superficial. Below are my walls. Each wall has two purposes; to deter  a particular type of woman away from my truth and to understand who I become when protected by a certain type of wall.

Wall One – Sophisticated Asshole:  

            I loathe every second I am around women who get stopped by wall one. These pretentious, abominations of the female gender are usually lurking right next to the bar or far away from it. Drowning in their self-pity, wondering deep inside why no one likes them, they avoid everyone around them because they defy their insecurities by affirming to themselves they are better than everyone. Usually these females can be seen consistently on their cell phones trying to get in touch with someone who is not a part of their immediate group in order to arrange something else to do because the place they are at, “sucks.” This ritual takes place all night long until this type of girl decides to go to bed only to do it again the next night. The exploration of a place that accepts stuck up, superficial average chicks is forlorn. Their only hope is that they find a place where there are more groups of pretentious, abominations of the female gender to inherit a state of normality.

            Most of the time I am forced around these types of women because a drunk friend finds it necessary to invite me over. On my way over, the usual “I-am-on-my-cell-finding-a-new-place-to-go-because-this-place-sucks”girl, is avoiding eye contact, the others in the group watch for a second, then turn away as if a human introduction is below them. I handle these types of girls the same way I handle people I detest, with comedy. I bombard them with witty anecdotes which pass over their heads much like their father’s belt which should of struck more often. Most of the time I introduce myself with some off the wall name and occupation because if these pretentious posers want to act too good for me, then let them act too good for the fake me. I do my best to make them rethink their approach to life. Since their parents didn’t raise them well, their teachers didn’t guide them well, their boyfriends didn’t mold them well, I take personal responsibility in making sure what they have become is deemed worthless. If you cannot have a simple conversation as an adult, you shouldn’t be allowed out. Not one person on this planet is too good for bar talk.   And if you think you are… beware of the sophisticated asshole roaming around.

Wall Two – Comedic Whore:

            From birthday celebrations, to bachelorette parties to the infamous “girls night out,” my encounter with women who fall victim to wall number two always make for a fun time. Usually opposite in personality to the women who are stopped by wall one, these social debutants have their mind set on one thing when they offer themselves to the public; fun. Playful, good hearted and forgettable, I find myself drawn to these type of women because of the situation’s simplicity. With the understanding that what occurs will only be referenced as a moment etched in time, I appreciate the wonderment of never encountering these individuals again no matter how riveting the time shared. From the beginning of the encounter, smiles are exchanged, jokes are crafted and moments of shattered connections are made. By the end of the affair, it is usually a mutual understanding that what transpired should not be recreated, thus a brief awkwardness leads to the shunning and failed exchange of contact information.  

            When approaching or being approached by this type of woman, I still guard myself with funny anecdotes and weird introductions described by wall one. The underlying difference between the situations is that my disposition is now positive. I am usually good for jocular commentary all night, entertaining and enjoying the simple company of good people. No ties, no strings and no expectations, this recipe allows women stopped by this wall to experience a very drollery side to my truth. Although I am an advocate of joking around and having fun as part my whole truth, the frequency of which it happens at this wall overruns my other attributes. Women halted by this wall are generally good, but lack qualities and attraction characteristics that would carry them to wall three or an actual pursuit on my part. No matter the wall, comedy plays a significant role in my being, however humor is but a fraction of my whole and unfortunately for women stopped by wall two, witticism fabricates the comedic whore in me and vanquishes all other traits.   

Wall Three – Curious Casanova

            Every so often, there is a woman who reveals herself in such a way, curiosity sparks within me.  She is usually isolated, showing superior personality traits compared to her peers and glowing with a beautiful smile. Her eyes are usually opened wide, like a door inviting whoever worthy in, gleaming for someone to dare accept the invitation. Mysterious, yet adaptable to anything and everyone around her, she sways over the ground with total confidence. As she walks around the room, men make subtle glances as to not bare evidence of treachery or bravery. She is usually the dissimilar one of her group burdening time with volumes of experiences most of which will never be known or spoken aloud. This woman is usually deep in thought, yet playful conversations with those around accompany her introspection. She is guarded by her own set of walls and values, but our kinds assimilation into this world is associated with mingling amidst others in the night. This will only go on for so long, as the modern princess retracts back into her shell of truth, only to leave her friends, her fans behind before the nights end.

            I can usually spot these types of woman anywhere I go. I can see quality which allows me to pick these ladies out amongst the crowd. I gauge my pursuit based on the following two criteria. The first being if I think she is physically attractive and second if I think she would be physically attracted to me. If I am truly interested, I will play the humorous approach until I see she is interested in more of me. Unlike the first two walls where I could care less about pedigree information, girls that encounter me at this wall are interviewed to obtain contact information to  schedule another meeting in the future. Once that is secured and depending on the venue, I ask questions that link our likenesses and differences, creating a funnel of knowledge between the two of us. She is made to feel like the princess she is, but just enough is supplied to make her want to hear more of my words. I always have a lot to talk about, but never do I extend my sophistication any length beyond that which is needed to seal her curiosity. I leave her with just enough answers to my mystery to want to learn more. The connection forged between us contains intellectual, philosophical and sexual components, thus satisfying the desire of a Curious Casanova.  

Wall Four – Chained Knight

            Exclusiveness; it goes against everything men are created to be, struggling with primitive tendencies we make a choice to love a single person for as long as it works out.  Not many women have chained me down as they approached this wall. Happening once a decade, the women who have seen the fourth wall are goddesses compared to their peers. Still, to get to this point is beyond physical appearance, status, smile, personality and ambition, but rather things which do not have words to describe… The wind dances as her smile raises, hair blowing as if the backdrop of life stills, creating capture for all those who set eyes on her. Laughter, smiles and a starlit sparkles gleam from her face, reinforcing the lovebond which has been spoken aloud. Committed to the final cause, endless determination fills the air around as she looks up at me, with all the trust, hope and fear in the world. Bothered by life’s patrons, desiring only to grasp my thought, she goes off to normality, to patrons of normality, but now the assurance that in nights end,  she will have her nonpareil, my grasp, for this moment and maybe the next, she has me, without a doubt or hesitation, knocking or perhaps tapping on the  keep’s door.    

            I believe if you commit yourself to anything in life, you commit one hundred percent. There is no in or out of love, there is no breaks, there is no needing time to figure things out. Love at its most minimal state is commitment and when this bond breaks, love disappears. At this wall, I commit everything; my time, my mind, my body, my heart and my soul. The few who have bear witness to this wall always felt my love and when my heart is given to someone, it is theirs and no others… So the woman and her substance described above will burden only the metal that keeps me stationary, fighting desperately to free, she latches on to the worn body of experience, hoping that weight which I presently encumber, will be torn off by her love and honor. It is not enough, the charge is to strong, the creed is now but a whisper, time traveling backwards, back to my onus, back to my duty with chains and sorrow, a knightly honor I wish to maintain…

Wall Five (The Keep) – Kingly Courage

            Through the veiled night sky I see her. I have always seen her. Since I was a child, I have dreamt of her, there isn’t a moment I squander this fated search. Signs and tidings fill my head providing inklings of where she is, who she is. I call to her every day and I reach, a effort swallowed by time and dreams end. The morning brings me closer to her, another clue or message, destiny pushing me toward her. Unwillingly I fold, some days I fight away fate with hilt and blade, others I get lured, to explore on with small hope one that day I am guided to her. I have seen her, majestic posture only noticed by the seeker. I hear her words on my back, comfort…inspiration I feel from her presence. She asks why I do not turn around to meet her eyes and I subtly reply, this dream is already perfect. The voice vanishes and my heart endures. Another day longing for my heart captured. She is out there somewhere, granting me purpose. I will pursue her to whatever end. Where is my effulgent damsel? Where is the hand I once held? Where is the voice that grants me valor?  It has come down to this; a hopeful dream..



Tell once again how it came to this

Wondering, wavering to nothingness

All around our dreams and desires

All around, they burn in fire


Hope is all likely fading from me

Tell once again how it came to be

Like rain on a shapeless mountain

Or dust on the youthful fountain


I have lost the sight for the unseen

filth from the past I must clean

Tell once again how it came to you

A love I cannot give cannot be true


My eyes are closed but I still see you

Away from the heart temptations do

Love is promised, soon you will see

Tell once again how it came to me

            It takes courage to continue on. Every second that passes, we grow older. I trust in the fortune of love, that she hasn’t given up. One last wall to overcome, she waltzes past the other barriers, performing her enchanting song of self, painting the world with her portrait, bestowing goodness on the people around her. This woman I speak of is my wife, eternally bonded and forever loved. She, the matron of my family, always beautiful, commanding with just a simple smile. I have seen her, I have heard her and with what is left of my kingly courage, I will one day meet her and with her hand pressed against my chest, I shall promise her the key, my love, to the kingdom… my heart.