Love + X = Everything

June 16, 2015 | | Comments 0

love + X = Everything

Since Patty Smyth and Don Henley informed me in 1992, I’ve known that “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough.”  Knowing and understanding, however, are two very different things. It’s taken me well into my 30’s to understand why love, in fact, does not conquer all, but figuring out what love needed to be enough has been the biggest problem I’ve had to solve.

What exactly does love need to make a winning combination?

Mac + Cheese, Milk + Cookies, Link + Zelda, Cake + Ice Cream, Peanut Butter + Jelly, Meat + Potatoes, Bacon + Eggs, Jack + Diane, Gin + Tonic, Nutella + Spoon, Yin +Yang, Salt + Pepper, Walt + Jesse all = perfection, but what exactly does love need, what 1 thing in addition to love equals perfection?

If you’ve found a good person: one with integrity, compassion, and no criminal records or crazy addictions, and you fall in love with them, then commit fully to them by accepting them and their flaws. Make the commitment; stop blaming the other person’s perceived shortcomings, and go all in. Otherwise, you only love the easy parts to love and not the whole person. And that love isn’t real love.


Accept that your partner is not perfect and will make mistakes.

Accept that your partner will not behave as you do.

Accept that relationships are complicated.

Accept that we all experience things differently.

Accept your partners past.

Accept that there will always be good and bad times.

Accept that you are not always right.

Accept their love in the form they are able to give to you.

Accept their apology.


Acceptance does not mean resignation. Rather giving up, you are actively accepting that a situation has happened and letting go of the resistance and denial towards the action. To accept a person does not mean that you deny their defects or believe everything they do is beautiful. The opposite is true. Only when you accept a person can you truly acknowledge them in all their beauty and defects. Only then are they real. Acceptance takes strength and motivation to let go of how you think things should be or how you wish they were. Acceptance means working intelligently and effectively with your reality.

Acceptance in a healthy relationship does not mean accepting repeated bad behavior, but rather accepting that something you did not like or agree with happened and not allowing that one incident to monopolize, ruin, or control your relationship. Be open about the situation, acknowledge it, discuss it if needed, and agree on what it will take to make the circumstances best for both parties: compromise, an end to a pattern, an understanding that the other is different from you, etc. Accept, love, repeat.

Though I heard the lyrics of love not being enough, I did not understand the message of acceptance that the Velveteen Rabbit tried to teach until I became an adult: “…once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”


Love + Acceptance = Everything



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