Damn You Disney!

November 11, 2014 | | Comments 0


All it takes is turning on the radio, listening to the news, or simply talking to your friends to understand that Disney movies have set us up for failure.  The beautiful princess, the handsome prince, the obvious villain, the perfect love story, and the triumphant win of good over evil all set to a soundtrack of mellifluous vocals is the fairytale that we grow up believing in, wishing for, holding out for, and quite frankly, getting pissed off over in not finding. We want our stunning princess or noble prince and we certainly enjoy convincing ourselves we are the perfect matches for these hard to find, but worth the wait idealistic beings that the universe will eventually put directly before us granting us true love and our very own happily ever after.

And it’s total bullshit. And not for the reasons we’d all like to think: there are no princesses and princes out there, true love doesn’t truly exist, no one gets the fairytale, etc., but it’s all a lie because WE aren’t the ‘worthy of’ people we’d like to be.

Disney doesn’t show us the perfect fairytale of how a difficult and nitpicky woman finds a man that willingly takes on the challenging job of accepting her unrealistic expectations, trust issues, and self-destructive, fear-induced havoc she wreaks when she has opened her heart up to someone in order to love her (anyway).  We never see the previously heart-broken prince that has separated from his family, down on his luck financially unstable, laden with distrust, and suspicious of everyone being chosen by the stunning, kind, and generous woman.

In the movies, we see the villain that needs defeating in order for a lifetime of happiness to be achieved, but we are never shown how to make it through the dark and stormy times when we are the creators of our own darkness. So, we bundle together all of our best qualities, creating perfect images of ourselves and we sell them to others, hoping that we’ll be enough to love when our cracks and broken pieces eventually become exposed.

To distract us from our own insecurities, we find the flaws in others.  Knowing that we love them, we still seek out all the imperfections of our significant others, making lists in our heads of every, little thing that drives us crazy because we haven’t yet figured out how anyone could love us for who we truly are, so we subconsciously keep our arsenal full of annoyances ready to launch if needed.

Our childish Disney created selves are so insecure about our own lack of resemblance to the princesses and princes that we fail to realize that perfect love does not exist, but true love does. Love isn’t always beautiful, but it is lasting. Love sees us in our true state: broken, ugly, insecure, crazy, and stupid and yet still tells us that we are beautiful and worthy of it. When we give up our childish ways and let go of the fairytale, as grownups, we have to choose to love. We have to choose to see the good over the bad. As adults, we have to let the people that love us despite our ugly, be afforded the same in return because we all deserve that.

My knight in shinning armor didn’t come riding up on white horse, but rather believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. And his ideal princess with dark hair and piercing green eyes, came in the form of an insecure blonde who saw him for everything that he was, all sides of him, rather the one-sided show he put on for everyone else, and could honestly tell him that she loved all of him. And so now we are faced not with the fairytale version of love, but rather grown up love. Neither of us is very good at it. We both are full of ideas of how it should be and constantly let our own insecurities creep up and ruin perfectly good moments. We are the villains of our own love story and each work extremely hard at defeating the monster within us, but fail from time-to-time.

I have to constantly remind myself that there is no prince coming to save me from myself, but there is someone who loves me and deserves me striving to be the absolute best version of myself each day. I have to admit to myself that more often than I am the princess, I am the villain, the peasant, and the servant. I have non-glamorous grown up responsibilities of cleaning, laundry, cooking meals, and running errands and it is also my responsibility to see the grown up and unpleasant obligations he has to paying the bills, taking out the trash, and listening to me nitpick about toilet seats and the clothes he piles up on the dresser. I have failed many times at being an adult and remembering the love that we have created and share. I have let childish thoughts of birds singing and beautiful, easy, love stories jade me when the realization of hard work and constant struggle to make love work as adult became apparent.

I still love Disney movies and their perfect love stories, but Disney left out the fact that after love, there’s still life. And life is messy and ugly and hard to deal with at times. There’s no perfect princess or prince because there is no perfect life, but in this life, we can find someone who wants to deal with the ups and downs with us, love us with all of our imperfections, who shows up when we need someone, forgives us for the hurt we’ve caused, and chooses to see the good in us over and over again. Those are the qualities of real life princesses and princes. Those are the qualities it takes for true love in this life of imperfect fairytales.



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